if you like me you must not know who I am
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
