I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
