Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i drank out of a bidet.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
