We're like a lot better than the average bears
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
being pregnant is like rehab
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
