This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
