I feel great
I just peed on a car
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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