I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You left your phone here
Wait...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
