Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
