fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So squirting runs in the family.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
