Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
