Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
