She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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