Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
