i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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