You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
