who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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