I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you will always have a special place in my vag
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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