she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
