'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
