omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
