how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
