and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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