Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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