Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
