maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
