Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
