I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
