it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
