planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
