I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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