I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have post one night stand depression
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