hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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