Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
