That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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