covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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