My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Who died my cat blue again?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
