My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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