Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
