Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
