I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
