i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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