How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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