if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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