Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
