I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
