My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
