If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
