We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
