omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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