Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
false alarm, still single
We smell like vodka and hangover
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